100 Themes USUK
by Papayakat
Summary: 100 themes with Alfred and Arthur. What could possibly go wrong? A whole lot. Like England's cooking. Rating may go up. Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**I AM WHORING FOR REVIEWS**  
**If you review you get lemons. Or fluff. Whatever you want. Just review, please. D;**

* * *

1- **Glasses**

"You idiot," England whispered, smiling as he looked down at the sleeping American, curled up in a ball with blankets and candy thrown messily over him. "You're supposed to take off your glasses when you go to sleep."

2- **Burn**

"England? England? Heeey, England, the crumpets are burning! England! England! England, are you even supposed to cook them in a pot? I don't think you are...see, THIS is why your cooking tastes like grilled shit!"

3- **Secret**

England had always wondered how Alfred had gotten so much taller than him; it seemed so impossible, and it was. It was a shame he had never and would never know that the American actually wore platform shoes.

4- **Panties**

First he pointed to his crotch, then he pointed to the hamburger, and said, "Which do you like more? This sandwich full of cancer or my underwear?"

5- **Clothes**

The two were still staying in the same room for the night after the world meeting, despite Arthur's attempts to switch rooms. No one was willing to switch, except for France. And to complement that, he could not find his clothes; Francis had probably stolen them. Out of pure desperation, he had asked America if he could borrow some of HIS clothes.

He was stuck wearing blue jeans and an "I LOVE USA" t-shirt for the rest of the day.

**

* * *

**I had to throw Francis in there. Had. To. REVIEW.

America: Review so I can be the hero! :D

Me: Shut up. Or you can tell the nice people to review n_n

America: :C REVIEW!

Also I delete the first one 'cause I thought the writing was really crappy D;


	2. Chapter 2

**Still don't own APH. I forgot to add that in the first chapter-heh.**

* * *

6- **Text**

hey igy how ru Im lat3 bcz toby waz being an a$$ nd crash3d teh planw3 agin so plz dont be mad at m3h k by! I love you. :)

England stood on the same spot for nearly five minutes, spluttering at how horrifying Alfred's texting was, but he couldn't help but wonder how the American always got those last, simple three words perfect, no matter what. He tapped a few buttons on the screen on his iphone, and sent:

Wanker. I love you too.

7- **Oil**

"Your fault!"

"No, it's not!"

"It's fucking British oil! Your fault!"

"It could also be Ireland's fault! I'm England!"

"Same thing! Hey, you sound like Mattie! So cute~"

"Shut the hell up! It's your fault!

"No fucking way!"

8- **Letter**

"Okay, you want to write a letter to Iraq?"

"Fuck yeah."

"Alright, what is it you want to say?"

"Tell him he's taking wayyyy too much of money and fuck and we've already given him like 20 gazillion dollars and I seriously want a hamburger but EVERY FUCKING TIME I go to a McDonalds he seriously just JUMPS me and goes all WAPOW and throws A ROCK AT MY HEAD and then Texas FALLS OFF MY FACE and then I walk in circles 'cause I'm blind and stuff and he takes my money. But I still get a hamburger cos I always hit on that McDonalds worker chick. So whatever."

"...Let's try again. What do you want to tell him?"

9- **Burn v2**

"HOLY SHIT! ENGLAND! THE WATER'S ON FIRE! ENGLAND! WHAT DO I DO? ENGLAND!"**  
**

10- **Flower**

America had always thought of England as a rose; sharp thorns would get in the way, but once you passed that, you reached the truly beautiful part.**  
**

**

* * *

**CURRENT EVENTS WHOOT!

Even if they're kinda old. Ew BP oil spill. Just some cute argument crap. Not really USUK, but I couldn't think of anything else heh. lD Also I suck at writing mushy stuff as you can see with theme 10. I'm better with angst. 8l

ALSO YEAH! I made an Iraq and an Ireland OC. Also an India and a Saudi Arabia. Fear meeee. They'll be used in future fics, but they won't be paired off with canon characters, don't worry! I'm no mary-sue writer. India and Saudi Arabia might be paired though, NOT CANON GRAHSDGLSDJGSDD, 'cause they have good relations and fight terrorism. n_n And Saudi hates Turkey. And is indifferent with England. And he's friends with America. NOT PAIRED FHSKGJDNGSDGDSDS

Weird author's note. Oh well.

France: Tu etes bizarre.

Me: Shut up and stop speaking in French. I'm trying to teach myself German and I don't wanna get confused. ;3;

Germany: o:

Prussia: Our language is so awesome. ;D

Me: Yeah. It is. Now go screw with Canada.

Canada: o/o

WHY YES. I KNOW FRENCH. SO I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S CORRECT. BUT NOW I WANT TO LEARN GERMAN. FWUUUHHHHHH

I want to also learn Spanish~ Then I'm done with languages. o-o

America: REVIEW 'CAUSE I'M THE HERO! :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Still don't own APH. I forgot to add that in the first chapter-heh.**

* * *

11- **Date**

England didn't know how, but America had somehow finally managed to convince him to go to a McDonalds with him.

"Alright," America said, after pondering at the menu for at least ten minutes. "I want two Big Macs, one of those chicken sandwiches, two large fries, a large fountain drink, and a milkshake."

England stared at him.

America caught his gaze, waved his hand and said, "Yeah, I know. But I'm on a diet!"

12- **Red**

"Hey, Artie!"

"Don't call me that! And go away, I'm cooking."

"Aw. Heeeey! That scone looks like you!"

"Excuse me?"

"It looks like you! 'Cause you're always doing that magic crap and you seriously almost _always_ screw up, and then something explodes and you're always covered in that gunky black ash. And that scone looks just like you 'cos it's burned. And stuffs."

"Shut up, you git! Learn how to talk right and go away!"

"That one also looks like you!~"

"Ugh. The one with cranberry sauce on it?"

"Yeah, that one! It's the color of your face when I do this~"

"Do wh-"

...

"..oh...mmf..."

...

"...A-America...you git."

"See! Your face is all red after I kiss you!~ So cute!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP BEFORE I BAKE _YOU_ IN TO A SCONE!"

13- **Spoiled**

"Oh my god."

Those were the first words to come out of England's mouth when he opened the door to America's fridge and looked inside.

Brown sludge in a cup, molding pizza, cheese covered in gray gunk, and something that resembled blue pasta in a bowl; but he couldn't be certain.

He nearly vomit, but decided to hold it.

"America!"

"Whasamatter?" The blond stumbled clumsily down the stairs, nearly falling on the ground.

England glared at him, and held up the cup full of what probably used to be coffee.

"Ohey!" America grinned, snatching the mug out of England's hand. "That's my coffee! Thanks!"

He chugged the whole thing, then realized that England was staring at him with a look of pure shock on his face.

"Oh, sorry. Did you want some, too?"

"N-no. Er, America?"

"Wuh?"

"Don't expect me to kiss you again until you brush your teeth, alright?"

14- **Medicine**

"Take it."

"No."

"Take it!"

"No!"

"Dammit, take it!"

"Noo!"

America was sick; which was odd, because the young nation usually never came down with a cold, but when he did, it spread.

Bad thing.

And as an added bonus, he hated medicine!

Bad thing.

Said 'It doesn't taste like hamburgers!'

Nevertheless, England was trying to get America to take his medication without strangling him.

"Take it!" He shook the canister of pills in the other blond's face.

"No fucking way! They taste like shit! Evenworsethanyourscones!"

"What was that? Anyways, you don't want Japan to get sick again, do you?"

"Noo..."

"Then take the bloody medicine!"

"No!"

"Take it!"

"Don't yell at me!"

"Take it, America."

"No."

"Take it."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Ugh." England unscrewed the container, and let two pills fall in to his hand. He grimaced, and popped the medication in to his mouth.

America stared at him. "What the hell are y-"

He was cut off short when the older nation mushed his mouth against his. England smirked a little, knowing that he had taken the other man by surprise. _He_, was startled, however, when he felt America grab the collar of his shirt and leaned in to the kiss. He let out a little moan, then mentally slapped himself.

_"You wanker!" _he thought. He knew his face was red as, and as Spain would say, a tomato. _"Now's my chance!" _He pushed the pills in to the other nation's mouth and broke the kiss when he finally heard the blond swallow.

They sat there, staring at each other for a while, until America broke the silence.

"You suck balls at kissing."

"Shut up!"

**

* * *

**Me: YAY FOR CRAPPY #12 and 14! 8D REVIEW! ;D Also, if you can give me some help on scenes like that, please do! D; I stink at writing lemons. And I'm sorry it's only four! I'm really busy, stupid homework! xC

America: REVIEW! 8D

Me: SHUT UP. 8I

America: :'C

Me: Aw, don't cry. D: /stuffs hamburger in his face

America: NOM NOM

England: Chinese people are weird.

Me: WHAT

China: EXCUSE ME ARU e_e

Me: AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND HUH. /points at America

America: NOMNOMNOMNOM

England: Er. Never mind.

Me: HAH YOU ADMIT HE'S YOUR BOYFRIEND HAHAH

England: YOU BINT I'M GOING TO KILL YOU /chases after me with his scary majick powers

Me: I'M NOT A DAMN PROSTITUTE AND-OH FUCK /runs away

China: You have to admit, she's clever aru.

Me: I AM! HEY ENGLAND

England: WHAT

Me: NANCY! lololol (I used the dictionary tyvm)

England: YOU WANKER! GET YOUR SORRY ARSE BACK HERE! DAMN IT! YOU SKANKY PRAT! DAMN IT! BLOODY HELL!

Me: I TOOK A BATH YESTERDAY /runs for my life (I used an English dictionary o3o As in like, the English spellings. From England.)

Russia: KOL KOL KOL

China: WHAT THE HECK WHERE DID YOU COME FROM ARU /runs away

America: NOMNOMREVIEWNOMNOMPLEASE!

Poland: Review or I will like totally enforce the Poland rule and like make Warsaw your new capital! Also PapayaKat is a fabulicious writer so you should totally review, definitely!

**Please note that I KNOW that America only represents the United States, but that's the name he was given AND it sounds a hell lot better than United States or U.S.**

**I'M NOT DUMB D8**

**Please note, 13 and 14 were on different days. lolol**


	4. Chapter 4

**Still don't own APH. I forgot to add that in the first chapter-heh.**

**I'm terribly sorry it's only two! But I haven't updated in soooo long. So I felt the need to do these real quick! Review! Reviews are my fuel!  
**

* * *

15- **Dress**

"England? Are you in there?"

No reply.

"England?"

No reply.

Poland and America were outside of England's closet door. Poland was sitting on the ground, staring up at America who was now pounding on the door.

"Englaaannnnddd!

Still no reply.

Poland sighed, and stood up.

"Like hey England?"

"What."

"Come out of the closet, Artie!"

"America, he's like, already like, done that, with you, and stuffs."

"Shut up, both of you!"

"Poland! Get Artie to come outside!"

"Don't call me that, dammit!"

"Sorry Iggy."

"Like, come on, England!"

"No!"

"If you don't come outside, I'll like, totally enforce the Poland rule on you and make Warsaw your new capital!"

"I don't care!"

"If you don't, I'll like, totally get Elizaveta to team up with me and throw you in a bag at night and let Francey rape you!"

"No! Don't do that to Artie! But I want to see him in that outfit. Hm. So okay. Go ahead, Poland."

"What the bloody hell is wrong with you two?"

"I'm too heroic."

"I'm too fantabulicious."

"...fine. I'll come out."

England sighed, flicked the lock to the other side, and opened the door.

"Holy shit! Artie! You look adorable!"

He was clad in one of Poland's dresses, a frilly, short lavender sun dress with a light blue sash around the middle. It looked like a puberty-stricken twelve year old boy designed it; it was thin, revealing, and ended just below crotch level.

"Totally! Purple plus blue are so your colors! I need to get Hungary, she's got tea, brb! Plus I need pics~"

"Wh-what? Pictures? I never agreed to anything! Except for wearing this piece of shit..."

"I like, already know thaaat!~"

"Er, America?"

"Hmmm?~"

"You're a little too close to me."

"I know. Oh hey look! Your face is as red as cherry ice cream! How cute!~"

"Shut the hell up! Wait, uh, America, WAY too close, wait, no, ah, I h-hey, stop tha-DAMMIT! GET THE HELL OFF OF ME! POLAND! POLAANNNDD!"

...

...

...

...

...

"Hey everyone!"

"Like hay gais I'm back with Elizaveta and I got a super duper cam-HOLY SHIT."

Poland choked.

Hungary dropped the tea.

She whipped out her camera.

16- **Money**

"Ugh, I hate this..."

"Shut the hell up and do your job! And I'm just doing this because I feel sorry for you but I think I deserve some sort of compensation!"

"Come on! I need to take phootooos!~"

"Oh ho! America!~ I didn't know you were in to this kind of thing! I'll pay!"

"I'm not, you bastards! Plus Hungary! I owe China money! Oh and thanks, France. Fifty bucks."

"Oh? Fifty?"

"Yeah."

"Fine."

"So this is the only thing you're doing? Stripping? I would've thought you'd worked at a McDonalds, or something like that..."

"Nah, 'cause then I couldn't eat there. And yeah, I'm only stripping."

"Oh..."

"Why, did you want me to fuck with you?"

"H-hell no!"

"Aw, c'mon Artie!"

"D-don't call me that, you git!"

"You know you want Florida! Your face gives it all away, anyways, hmmm..."

"ENGLAND! FUCK WITH HIM! DO IT! DOO ITTTT! OR I WILL BASH YOUR SKULL IN WITH MY FRYING PAN! SODOIT. GRASGSDKGJDSHLDDFUIHGLDINKL!"

"I'd rather do Angleterre myself, but this is fine, too."

"See, Artie?~"

"I don't wan-ah, oh-ffff-"

"OMFG YES! GO AMERICA! GOOOOO! HAHAHAHAH!"

* * *

I love Hungary. So much. She is so adorable with Liechtenstein!~ MUST. WRITE. SHOJO-AI. FFFFFFF.

/gets shot by Switzerland

Me: 8C

Switzerland: 8C

Me: /chase

Switzerland: SHIT

Me: EFFFF YOOOOUUUUUU

China: o_O

America: Let's do the same, Artie!

England: No! And don't call me that!

America: Oh, okay. So it'll be rape? You're not willing?

England: W-what? Are you mad? Of course not!

America: Oh, you are willing, then?

England: what

USUK SCREWING ENSUES

France: o:

Switzerland: o_o

Hungary: 8D

Me: 8D

I'm sorry if it was impossible to tell who was who in 16, but I think I gave hints that were pretty obivous. Dx Hungary, England, and France. The order of text was: America, England, France, America, France, America, France, England, America, England, America, England, America, England, America, Hungary, France, America, England, Hungary. lolol

Poland: Like, review or I totally enfore the Poland rule on you and make Warsaw your new capital!


End file.
